Candid moments while playing Max Payne 2

Haha. This is what happens when u mess with Max Payne. You get put in a wheel chair. Literally.

Fatigue

Oh so fast night reaches,
That the morning passes like the fleeting wind,
A fore a dusty bed one reaches,
Falling upon it like life itself has ended.

Where art the rest of heaven promised to weary souls,
Where art the spirit of soaring eagles promised?
Crawling upon the ground of an unknown destiny,
Wondering if it is all a vanity.

Weary from battle the lone warrior says,
Is this all worth the honor I stood for?
Allowing his sword to slip from his very hands,
Falling back and into the arms of fate his body pour.

To be broken.

Its written in the book of Psalms, that the sacrifices of God are a "broken spirit and a contrite heart". The two hebrew words mentioned in context of a broken spirit and contrite heart are the words :Shabar and Dakah which bears rather almost the same meaning which is to be crushed or broken before the Lord.

According to those definitions, I find my spiritual life wanting. I am not broken in my sins and sometimes I relish in them. I find it odd that sometimes christians are called to be "salt and light of the world" We're supposed to be the ones changing things around, bringing light into darkness, yet sometimes I find that the darkest of hearts is in one's self.

You then question God. That there is this emotional depravity that God has created within you and made you prone to. Why is that? Why does He do this? I don't hope to offer an answer because I seek to find one myself. This is a massive search in one's spiritual life. Maybe I am just too thickheaded to seek Him myself. Relishing in my ability to solve things or to ignore them entirely

Sighs.......When did I become so arrogant or apathetic? Is this the spiritual death that is explained in James 2? That faith without works is dead and because my faith is not acted out through a life of righteousness and love?