Laying down things.

Something precious to me broke this morning. I sort of see it as a symbol to lay down something important to me.

First things first, about the item that broke, well....not really a fan of symbology but when things like that happen you can't help but think. So a cup given by this girl I really liked once broke today morning when I was brushing my laptop. Accidentally knocked it over.

Why am I bringing this up? Because I guess I never really addressed the emotions of grief I felt when she started dating another guy. The detachment of emotions from scenes of life can sometimes be quite devastating. Emotions that are not addressed seem to find their way out through the crevices of one's heart and you start seeing it affect your daily life. (That doesn't give you the license to start a drama queen club.)

I think I've spent a big deal of my life hiding true emotions. This is at most times a good thing because emotions are impulsive and they often jump to conclusions. Now for the bad part, things left unsaid very often leave a scar. Ever shake a bottle of coke very rigourously and let it fly? That's the sort of feeling you get after awhile. Only in my case, the pressure mounts and is not released.

Sometimes how I deal with these emotions surprises me because I don't think I really ever address them. After awhile the pain just seems to fade. You don't really know whether it's gone or is it just being normalized in one's life. I think with every layer of pain and grief put on me I feel less and less human everytime. It's like a wall being build layer and layer. It's strange that you don't only block others out, you block yourself out too sometimes.

So I guess some food for thought for you guys. Maybe for some of you it's time to express some emotion in life and for some maybe a little less.