Broken

A broken and a contrite spirit, thou will not despise (Psalm 51:17).

What does it mean to be broken and contrite? To me coming to a place of brokenness is coming to a place of submission. It's a form of admittance that one is powerless. I think to be broken is a very humbling experience. Human beings pride themselves with the ability to be able to tackle problems and indeed we have come far. It is also sometimes in that ability that we lose ourselves and think that we are able to conquer all. Humility is important in a person's life but we rarely ever see it in this generation. A sense of security in ourselves seems to overpower God's ability in certain things sometimes.

To be contrite in spirit, as defined by the American Heritage Dictionary is to come to a place of regret and sorrow for one's sins. In Hebrew, contrite is the word Dakah which means to be crushed. Ever felt that way before? That you're crushed by the weight of your own infirmity. I haven't experienced myself this before. (Which probably signals that I still have alot of pride within me)

I am reminded of the quote that lays infront of Adventist Hospital in Penang. "God heals, we only help" I guess the owner really had that humility in mind.

Laying down things.

Something precious to me broke this morning. I sort of see it as a symbol to lay down something important to me.

First things first, about the item that broke, well....not really a fan of symbology but when things like that happen you can't help but think. So a cup given by this girl I really liked once broke today morning when I was brushing my laptop. Accidentally knocked it over.

Why am I bringing this up? Because I guess I never really addressed the emotions of grief I felt when she started dating another guy. The detachment of emotions from scenes of life can sometimes be quite devastating. Emotions that are not addressed seem to find their way out through the crevices of one's heart and you start seeing it affect your daily life. (That doesn't give you the license to start a drama queen club.)

I think I've spent a big deal of my life hiding true emotions. This is at most times a good thing because emotions are impulsive and they often jump to conclusions. Now for the bad part, things left unsaid very often leave a scar. Ever shake a bottle of coke very rigourously and let it fly? That's the sort of feeling you get after awhile. Only in my case, the pressure mounts and is not released.

Sometimes how I deal with these emotions surprises me because I don't think I really ever address them. After awhile the pain just seems to fade. You don't really know whether it's gone or is it just being normalized in one's life. I think with every layer of pain and grief put on me I feel less and less human everytime. It's like a wall being build layer and layer. It's strange that you don't only block others out, you block yourself out too sometimes.

So I guess some food for thought for you guys. Maybe for some of you it's time to express some emotion in life and for some maybe a little less.

Life messages

It's really interesting how sometimes we don't realize that our life is able to speak. I once remember this quote from someone who mentioned "what you're doing speaks so loud, I can't hear what you're saying." Like it or not, to some degree in life, our actions dictate our life messages to the people around us.



So what is it that's in a life? Many have different interpretations of what life holds and what life can be. For me however, living a life of meaning is important. Many would then ask what is it to live a life of meaning? I don't think there is an answer there because I am still in the process of discovering that meaning. Life's journey has no doubt left me with many thoughts and I sometimes wonder what does it mean to be alive?



I realize how paradoxical I am in this entry. I guess it just speaks even more of my confusion upon this matter.



The main point to illustrate however is the fact that a person's life is a message. Like a novelist who's writing a novel, everything you do would dictate how interesting and how vibrant the novel turns out to be. Not to disregard anyone's experience but what we do in life sometimes determines how interesting it is. (which speaks for myself as well.) I think for every novel however there is a core theme or value that we sometimes exuberate. For me personally, it is important to exuberate a helping heart.

Giving more of oneself

I find it sometimes very hard to accept compliments but I really do enjoy them. I am really glad that I managed to say something that really encourage people sometimes and to know that God actually used you as an encouragement to someone. The feeling is just........euphoric.

My faith that words do sometimes encourage have waned throughout times because I sometimes think that I can't do much through words but God has showned me otherwise. I've always visualized a cellgroup in which everyone is filled with encouragements, support and sound advice. Our cell is far than ideal from that. I believe that to give more of themselves to the cell, the cell needs to be encouraged in doing so.

I see endless possibilities in all of them. I just wish that they'ld start believing in what God can do in them and with them. I hope that they see that.

Bleak view of love?

I realized today how much of a cynic I have become. Some would say that approach of telling someone emotions won’t last is uncalled for. Sometimes showing too much of reality is something I think I am too good at. That’s me…..full of negativity. I guess sometimes it’s why people get blown off by conversations with me. Annoying but none the less true.

The question to pose now is why do people break up? For centuries men have sang of the greatness, divinity, strength, courage and so many other values associated with love and yet it is that same love that everyone grieves over and later explains it to be cold. “A love gone cold” they call it. What absurdity is that? That such power and such beauty could come to an end. Like a minor period of orgasm it was but now everything’s gone.

I don’t want to be a cynic but love just doesn’t seem to last. Maybe that’s why people nowadays are considering single parenthood. It’s easier to raise a child alone than to do it with someone else. It really sucks that we vest so much in a notion that sometimes doesn’t even last for a week. Ideals? In this world there seems to be no such thing as an ideal relationship where couples rough it out anymore. Seeing this age turn into one that lacks resilience and tolerance really makes me wonder where the concept of idealism has gone. There used to be couples who would tough it out no matter what. Now we break up over the car that your husband did not get.

I think people are exposed to so much negative role models that the idealism one used to find in youths are now gone. A society that used to reason in terms of ideals are now engraved in criticism, in sarcastic remarks. A need for ideals is now replaced by cynics who criticize and complain. We need to start asking ourselves this major question. Do we want the next generation to be one of a cynical nature that we’re now? Or should we at least strive to achieve an ideal that is possible even in the realm of love? The key word in the previous sentence was STRIVE. Are you resilient enough to tough it out? Or is the easy way out a better solution? Decisions, Decisions my friend.

Is the power to do good and evil equal?

I always believed this statement to be true. We go on to analyse why.

Basically the underlying theory behind this question is the notion of choice. All power and choice is given to human beings. We're objects of the choices we make in life don't you think?

It is that limitless power that is given to people, that limitless power of choice that gives us the amount of problems and freedom we have today. See power....is a really strange thing. To have power, one needs to learn the responsibility to govern the power which is given to us. I guess one of the most legendary Marvel quotes of all time speak the best truth in this.

"With great power comes great responsibility" - Uncle Ben (From Spiderman)

Since the power of all choice is given to us, it is then dictated by man to rule these choices with a sound mind. I am reminded by what Jamie Tan once told me. "It really is a wonder whether human beings have evolved at all. Centuries ago there was homosexuality, lustful desire and so on and today we see the same things"

We have lived generations after generations reliving the same greed, the same lust, the same attitudes that human beings have faced since the beginning of time. Have we progressed? We also look at futile attempts of men to attempt to rectify these problems through law and order, through religion and through torture. So much so that people claim that they are performing justice when they violate the most basic principles of human nature.

I stand here not to condemn and say that men are wrong to attempt at measures of justice. I can suggest no better options besides God as well. The problem is human beings are so focused on trying to govern this power (the power of choice) that they themselves fail to see that they can't control and neglect God in the process of doing so. I think neglect is too gentle a word......maybe deny is more fitting.

My question to all of you is this. Are human beings truly capable of governing this power? Evidence wise I would say no and that we're doing a real poor job at it. Without God, things are impossible. I leave the below scripture with you.

Abide in me, and I will abide in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abides in the vine; no more can you, except you abide in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. He that abides in me, and I in him, the same brings forth much fruit: for without me you can do nothing" (John 15:4-5).

PS. We have done nothing. The same problems still exist today.