Disappointments

Curses man!....After all that hard work and a single memory lapse and everything goes to heck.

I am referring to my Youth Work and Services exam. Damn it. Sometimes it strikes me the hardest that I am unable to just do things right! This sorta makes me wanna turn back time and go in there and fix that exam paper all over again.

I can't believe this......Sighs...... I hope the next exam isn't this pathetic... ETR (Estimated time remaining) until exam 1 hour 35 mins.....

Good day's worth of work?

Well......I am gonna show you guys a side I don't really show alot.....Emotion.....

I feel kinda proud of myself today cuz I summarized chapters worth of information into less than 7 pages! HAHA! Kinda cool rite? Haiz syok sendiri......

T_T I still have 4 chapters to do.......and I am so bloody tired.......FUhhhh...... Geez....Leona Lewis is driving me depressed.....grrr.......

ARGGGHHHH FINALS in 1 day......Less than 24 hours away now......sighs..... Cursed Career Guidance and Counseling skills........MAN!!! What the heck.....!!!

Remember your God.

"I will bear the indignation of the LORD,
Because I have sinned against Him, Until He pleads my case And executes justice for me.
He will bring me forth to the light; I will see His righteousness."
Mic 7:9

How long has it been since you heard a verse like this? Micah 7:9 states that a sinner owns up to his mistakes because he has sinned and allows God to execute justice for him.

This shows us not only the confidence of the believer in his Lord to deliver him from this peril, it also shows an owning up of his path of mistakes. I fall into the great trap of sometimes sinning and not apologizing for it as well. We all take things for granted sometimes and this takes a toll on ourselves and on the relationships we keep.

Don't take this the wrong way because discipline is not something that is bad. (I sorta think that the community of psychologists have made discipline an evil word.) As Hebrews 12:6 once said For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives. Just like a fruit that needs pruning or gold that needs to be purified. Discipline and wrath is not necessarily hatred, rage or even abuse as proven here.

Hidden tears

Psalms 40
¹¹ Do not withhold Your tender mercies from me, O LORD;
Let Your lovingkindness and Your truth continually preserve me.
¹² For innumerable evils have surrounded me;
My iniquities have overtaken me, so that I am not able to look up;
They are more than the hairs of my head;
Therefore my heart fails me.
¹³ Be pleased, O LORD, to deliver me;
O LORD, make haste to help me!

Dear God,

What letters shall I write before You? When the innocent perish and rage grows triumphant. How my heart stings when I imagine the carnage unfolding. Am I to be like Job? Where has Your great promises of protection and safety faded to? Lord, how bitter now is this heart of mine? How bitter more will it become? God, why do You draw the innocent into this? Am I not much more a worthy victim? Lord, your servants cry and yet do you listen. Where's that mighty outstretched arm? Your promise of being a tower to the weak? My Lord, make haste and be not far from me. Be not far from me dear God.

The journey between the mind and the heart

After yum cha with Ax.....I thought about this (He's gonna claim credit for my epiphany hahaha)

Far away this journey lies,
From the mind to the heart,
Before what one knows safely lies,
Within one's heart and never part.

If only men did what they knew,
If only men saw the essence of truth they knew,
How this world perishes not for a lack of knowledge,
But a lack of application of that knowledge.

A life which seems so bleak and thin,
Now faded in smoke after the world takes a spin,
When what one knows is not what one does,
Behold the speed in which wisdom flees.

Yea, like stagnated water that flows away not,
And will soon breed chaos and death,
So shall it be if knowledge flows not,
From the mind to a heart which life beats forth.

Insightful article.

"Shew me wherefore thou contendest with me." — Job 10:2

Perhaps, O tried soul, the Lord is doing this to develop thy graces. There are some of thy graces which would never be discovered if it were not for thy trials. Dost thou not know that thy faith never looks so grand in summer weather as it does in winter? Love is too often like a glow-worm, showing but little light except it be in the midst of surrounding darkness. Hope itself is like a star--not to be seen in the sunshine of prosperity, and only to be discovered in the night of adversity. Afflictions are often the black foils in which God doth set the jewels of His children's graces, to make them shine the better. It was but a little while ago that on thy knees thou wast saying, "Lord, I fear I have no faith: let me know that I have faith." Was not this really, though perhaps unconsciously, praying for trials?--for how canst thou know that thou hast faith until thy faith is exercised? Depend upon it, God often sends us trials that our graces may be discovered, and that we may be certified of their existence. Besides, it is not merely discovery, real growth in grace is the result of sanctified trials. God often takes away our comforts and our privileges in order to make us better Christians. He trains His soldiers, not in tents of ease and luxury, but by turning them out and using them to forced marches and hard service. He makes them ford through streams, and swim through rivers, and climb mountains, and walk many a long mile with heavy knapsacks of sorrow on their backs. Well, Christian, may not this account for the troubles through which thou art passing? Is not the Lord bringing out your graces, and making them grow? Is not this the reason why He is contending with you?

"Trials make the promise sweet;
Trials give new life to prayer;
Trials bring me to His feet,
Lay me low, and keep me there."

Wow. If only christians today thought like this!!!

The empty heart

So deeply imbued in this heart,
A desire which longs for more,
Knowing a destiny which is in part,
Knowing life is worth much more.

In what shall I find meaning?
In what shall I find destiny?
Tarrying in this endless circle of meaninglessness,
Has my soul raving in restlessness.

Oh this sleepless night,
Wondering if there's more to this life,
Pondering whether the path is right,
Wondering why is the misery in this life is rife