Jesus's diary

"Carry My Cross"

As long as I remember I've been walking through the wilderness
Praying to the Father
And waiting for my time I've come here with a mission
And soon I'll give my life for this world I'm praying in the garden
And I'm looking for a miracle I find the journey hard but
It's the reason I was born
Can this cup be passed on Lord,
I pray your will be done In this world

Chorus
So I'll carry my cross
And I'll carry the shame
To the end of the road
Through the struggle and pain
And I'll do it for love
No, it won't be in vain Yes,
I'll carry my cross And I'll carry the shame
I feel like I'm alone here
And I'm treated like a criminal
The time has come for me now
Even though I've done no wrong Father, please forgive them
They know not what they've done In this world
Three more days and I'll be coming back again
Three more days and I'll be coming back again

Look at the lyrics of this song. I bet Jesus thought these thoughts when He came. Here's the song hope you guys enjoy it.

The internship experience

Well well, the day of me finally looking at books is over; now replaced by a daunting sight of the "internship experience".

So far things have been rather interesting under Doc Goh. Me and the team working together have really had our hands full. Here are the list of projects we as a team are working on.

• Corporate training material
• Materials for website development
• Goal setting

On top of that, we have to help out with 2 upcoming events: The HELP Psychology Challenge and the 30 Hour Famine. Yeah... fatigue and lack of sleep is on the rise. Don't even have time for a life anymore. Haha. Well....its the ponderer sighing off... :P

Change is the essense of improvement in an individual

I've been meaning to write this for a long time because it's one of the quotes I came up with. If ever I become famous for anything, I want this quote posted up somewhere muahahaha.

Change like many of us know is not easy and it is a tedious and difficult path. To change implies restructuring, reconstituting, and reestablishing one's identity, character and values. A simple example to put this is that of a criminal. Criminals are the ones who usually need this form of reconstruction of their entire being.

Change if defined by what I mentioned above (change of identity, character and values) is fairly difficult. Just imagine the social stigma and condemnation a criminal faces when he exits jail and tries to live a normal life again. It isn't easy and the journey is so tough that many just rather surrender to that schema of being a criminal (since no one thinks I am capable of change, I might as well abide by their wishes.)

That's a fairly extreme example. Most of us don't have to go through that. Our struggles might be more trivial but nonetheless equally important. It's always said that human beings can never attain perfection in life. That doesn't mean however that we should never strive towards it. Many say perfection is overrated but if you never try how far up the scale would you go?

Think of your journey of change as an adventure and further on years into the future, you would look back and say I am now a better person as a result of this change and look how much closer you are to perfection now. As is written in in Romans 12:2, we should "be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."

A dawn of something

Life as it is has been rather hectic these days. Been asking God what is it he wants me to do with my life of late. I was a little afraid of the answers I might be getting. I remembered once hearing in Psalms 34:7 that if you "Delight your self in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."

Well I am gonna rationalize this sentence for you best I can. To break it down

• Delight yourself in the Lord.

This means to make God's desires your desires. Delight yourself in the things that God sees to be worthy of delight in. As it is also written in John 14:15, "If you love me, obey my commandments".

• And He will grant you the desires of your heart.

Interestingly, we pay more attention to this part of the verse than that of the beginning. It says DELIGHT YOURSELF IN THE LORD!!!. That means to make your desires HIS desires. I used to think this is God's way of screwing around with verses but it's clear that I didn't read the contract properly.

I thought that this is God's way of screwing me out of a good deal but it's not. We can't even begin to comprehend the love, the sacrifice, and the pain He went through to redeem us. It's like Paul Washer said :" God is going. HEY!!! I AM YOUR GOD AFTER ALL THIS!!! AND YOU ARE MY PEOPLE WHOM I AM SO GLAD WITH!!! and we reply: "Ok.....so what else is there?" For God to have went from immortal status to come down to mortal and die for us, can you imagine how much of power you would be giving up? It's like the Sultan of Malaysia suddenly decides to become a normal citizen and help society instead of sitting on his throne. Imagine the magnitude of power you would be forgoing and to humble yourself to a level to which you as a God would be willing to die for your people. Jesus came the first step, who are we to say "what else is there?"

There's a reason things happen in life?

Is there? I don't really know. It is once written in Ecclesiates that sorrow shapes the countenance of the heart. (Ecclesiates 7:3)


I am sick of being sorrowful. It's a dreadful and endless circle in which I seem to swing about in. Twists and turns and tossed about by the visisstitudes of fate to an endless avail to life. Where's the life of meaning I am supporsed to lead?


Why? WHY?! WHY!? Doesn't God know that I am suffering, that I've had enough? I am tired and still I have to be stretched further by circumstanes. My heart is rent and at times I no longer see hope for myself and yet I seem to be able to offer hope to others. A false hope perhaps. A silly naive perception that only fools believe in.


Why is it that God constantly asks me to draw from a well that is empty? I myself am not filled and I have to continue drawing. And yet of all days, today I see one who's heart is itself rent and torn and yet able to transcend that pain and burden and still find a moment to offer hope, sacrifice and encouragement onto others.

Guess God's saying......Get off your arse and learn something.

Despair

Despair = Suffering - Meaning.

Think about that. It was Viktor Frankl's equation behind the element of despair. He provided a brilliant example of a student of his who had a suffered full body paralysis. She later found her meaning in life giving comfort to those who have been paralysed or lost someone special during their lifetime. You might be thinking how a fully paralysed body can write? She doesn't. She types using a stick with her mouth on a typewriter.



It's interesting to know that when you've been through suffering and managed to achieve a sense of meaning, you can start to see hope in that darkened picture. Failing to see meaning in it however results in despair. Frankl also reasoned that meaning can be discovered from every facet of life. If meaning can really be found that way, we had better start making the correct choices of what we do everyday. Imagine ascribing your entire life's meaning to sex, to crime, or some element of addiction, what would your meaning of a glorious life then be reduced to? A hedonic paradigm that one ignores others and is merely self seeking. Is this truly what it means to be human?

What happens in Malacca stays in Malacca.

It's an absolute wonder just to revel at the beauty of nature in the A Famosa resort. That's the view from my apartment just a day ago before I had to return to the hustle and bustle of modern society. Well...unfortunately I can't tell the tale of what exactly went on down there. Hence the title. (but as a christian, we didn't breach any unbreachable boundaries)

Glad that this experience has helped me learn a lil about both the psyche of human beings and also the motivations in which help us define who we are.

Cited in Erikson's psychosocial theory is the conflict of one's search for intimacy vs isolation. Many of my cell members fall within this category. The fact of the matter is they have defined their identity as a person and are right now seeking for people to support and secure that identity in which they have built up. Hence the incredible search for one's life partner or perhaps even a community to solidify that sense of identity. Some might even use Maslow's hierarchy to parallel the needs of love and belonging in this category.

This shows the importance of community in one's life. The individual as itself is an important aspect but no one lives in isolation of one another. Imagine you citing yourself as the richest or smartest person alive and having no one to back that identity or position to compare yourself with. What use is that? Rene Descartes may have coined the phrase "Cogito ergo sum" which means "I think therefore I am" but are we really that individualistic? That we live in isolation without comparing ourselves and having others approve of who we are?

Balance is once again key... Our identity is both a mixture of who we are and who people define us to be. This again differentiates between the "I" self and the "Me" self. "I" self are the I know who I am based on my own definitions. "Me" self is the me who is defined by others. If your identity is entirely "Me" self, we have an individual that would change like the wind, completely malleable to the pressures of conformity and evaluations by others. On the other hand, you don't want to be a thick headed person who can't take a single advice from anyone would u?

Just some thoughts. Au Revoir